my immortal, evanescence

recently I went to youtube to find the song 'my immortal' by evanescence. it seemed to fit an ordeal from the comedy community, where perkins said he was quitting facebook but didn't.my response, where I spoke of this song, got 17 likes. 'And if you have to leave/I wish you would just leave/cause your presence still lingers here/and it won't leave me alone'. the song is likely inspired by a dating relationship, and the video centers mostly on the frontwoman, and she is often on her back while singing. I liked how the tone of the song changed after a while, with more intense drumming. I also found a version by Lindsey stirling on youtube, the violinist. it is instrumental, but of course the passion and the spirit is still there. the video for that one appears to be at a concert, showing Lindsey's violin skills while there is some fire in the background.
   it was a typical Monday at the office, meaning high volume. I decided to get a wedge sandwich from the convenience store in the skyway since I was so busy. I was called on my cell phone early in the day by the mechanic from midas, reminding me how I forgot to drop off the key. so it meant having to go there again tonight right after work. I took the light rail and then the bus, to Roseville. I was off the mark with the bus and had to double back, it meant doing a slightly dangerous walk while doubling back. I had started on my journey early enough where I still had plenty of time to make it by 6pm, closing time. on this walk I decided to get pictures of the traffic below me, of route 36 at rush hour by the target store. thankfully I didn't see any cops during that time. I will learn my lesson about where the earlier stop is. after I was done I went to eat at a nearby Kentucky fried chicken. I got a good deal on the 2-piece chicken meal, just over five dollars. it included mashed potatoes and gravy, biscuit, fountain drink, and a chocolate chip cookie. I needed to transfer on the buses in order to get home finally, and at the layover point I decided to look around a book shop. it was about 20 minutes between buses. I didn't do much when I got home, and of course this meant not going to the clubs tonight. nothing wrong with just staying in and resting once in a while.

suburbia exhibit

I went to the suburbia exhibit at the MN history center in st. paul this afternoon. I liked seeing plenty of older Charlie brown cartoons, and I got pictures of them. I said I need to go now as the exhibit is closing soon, next month. I learned things as expected, starting with the opening segment which had postcard replicas on the wall and spoke of some parts of the city that were once suburbs. this is true of Dayton's bluff, now in st. paul. there was a hard plastic cow statue as well. and a place to throw beanbags through holes, depicting a dog in the yard in front of a house. there was a 'blue boy' portrait, I know my grandma had one of these. there was something about the Nixon kitchen debate, and maytag sponsoring a contest. a few things about general electric as well. I liked seeing displays about the area's malls, including the four 'dales'. of course the first was 'southdale' in Edina. another was called knollwood if I am not mistaken, hadn't heard of it but some said to me it is in st. louis park. southdale had a red owl grocery store, I am more familiar with super valu. great seeing what looked like 'loyalty program stamps'. also great getting a student discount, was told I looked like a grad student, but I am not. I said I like the quote by john Steinbeck, the writer, who said 'I am a student of life'. plenty of buttons to push to show videos, including lucy and desi from 'I love lucy'.
   I did perform in the evening, it went well as I did things about the shoe purchase this week. another was a joke about the bright light I saw onstage, hard to ignore. and I made mention of perkins having a meltdown on facebook, claiming he would make his account inactive but he hasn't. I made a reference to a relevant song, 'my immortal' by evanescence, and got 17 likes. some said it was a 'burn'.

spotlight movie

tonight I went to see the movie 'spotlight' as I wanted to see something that was nominated for Oscars before the Oscars. it was long, just over tow hours, but I didn't mind at all. I was left impressed by the role played by mark ruffalo, as I like passion and he had in it. makes sense why he has been nominated for an Oscar for his role, in the category of best supporting actor. I also found the role played by Michael Keaton to be well-done. it did remind me of where I was during the time period covered, as much of the investigation was in 2001. I was on vacation in boston that year, in may. I stayed at a motel 6 in Braintree, and saw a red sox baseball game vs. Toronto. one scene is at a red sox game. and of course depiction of the terrorist attacks of September 11 is there as well, as it figures into the story. the movie suggests the breaking of the story in the boston globe paper was delayed due to 9/11. the closing credits showed a long list of other cities where a scandal within the catholic church was discovered, some of them international, due to this story.
   notable about this movie was walking to the theater, as my car is in the shop. I went to the library in Roseville to do my taxes, at least the federal return, and when I came out my car wouldn't start. this happened a week earlier, but then it started the next morning. well I happened to be home that time, so I could afford to let it sit. but it happened again, so I need to know why and try to get it corrected. I turn the key the other way and the radio works, as does the lights. so it does seem to be an ignition thing. it meant getting a tow, which of course I wasn't thrilled about especially when it was a long wait, over an hour, and I didn't have to go far, less than a mile to the midas shop. thankfully I made it to the theater and back without incident. I walked quickly and with a purpose, but I also noticed how the sidewalks were deserted and not many cars on the road either. I started my walk just after midnight, and it took me just under 30 minutes on foot to get home.
    I hated how the car problems meant putting my schedule on hold, but not much I could do. seeing the movie was one of the things on my list, so I liked how I still got to it but it was much later in the day than originally planned. another thing I wanted to do was see the suburbia exihibit at the Minnesota history center, well I can push this back a day.

straight outta compton movie

tonight I watched 'straight outta compton', it was a redbox rental. I liked it. I think it compares well with other bio-pics I have seen, including those about rappers. and I had seen the ones about notorious BIG, and 50 cent, along with '8-mile', a 'semi-autobiography'. as a performer I could relate to some of the things being depicted in it about performing, like the business side of entertainment. some of the things depicted in it I do recall, like the Rodney king video from 1991 and the subsequent court case and riots. I was in high school then. I also recall hearing about the death of eazy-e as well. So this helped with liking it, when some of it was familiar. I could guess what likely was 'invented for dramatic effect', and I am used to seeing this disclaimer saying some of it was. I knew I would see this movie eventually, as I gave rap music a chance after seeing '8-mile', and of course dr. dre is Eminem's mentor. I liked the honesty and passion in this movie, I think because I am able to do and be this when I am performing. I even said this about a song in the closing credits, where some of the lyrics was 'talking to my diary'. I earned a free night from redbox due to this rental, love those loyalty programs! when I posted it on facebook I got a response from international falls saying that I love biographies and loyalty programs, and that I will admit.
  my boss was out of the office today, but we still had our sandwiches delivered from jimmy john's, I ordered a tuna sandwich. I liked getting the settlement letters caught up after being unable to do any on Thursday, though it was a struggle as I had a meeting that ran long. I also liked getting a password reset on the imaging system, didn't want that problem spilling over into Monday, our highest volume day of the week. I hate having to depend on others, in this case printing contracts.
  I had a shamrock shake at mcdonald's tonight when I went there for a filet-o-fish sandwich. this is also where I got the redbox rental. online dating is still a mystery to me. the poli-sci guy said I was really worked up, I said it was due to seeing the lack of quality in my matches. one of them proved how we weren't on the same page, in more ways than one. by failing to answer my question about favorite movies, along with not understanding I was talking about the lack of theaters nearby- as to why I like redbox for movies. I shouldn't have to drive 10 miles or more, in a metro area like MSP to see movies that I want to see, but this happens all too often. then there was hearing about my match getting a college education in bemdiji, I said 'out-state', referring to it being in Minnesota but outside the MSP metro area. this is different from 'out of state'. the match was closed for me, it saved me from having to. I was annoyed at the lack of information in the profile anyway, like having to ask what college and favorite movies as these are usually shared. there were some warnings it wasn't going to pan out, like answers being 'wanting to be spoiled with attention from my mate' as well as 'looking for a best friend'. sounds a little too needy. another match just spoke of the death of a parent, I was given an email address but I know well enough to 'stand down' for a little while. I know my grandma's funeral in 2008 was a week after her death.

three guys talking podcast

tonight I went to coon rapids and did a podcast. it is called 3 guys talking. I took a half day off from my office job so I had more time to get there on time. it was enjoyable to be there. there was pizza from pizza ranch so I had some. no problem finding my way there as I paid attention to the mapquest directions I had written down. the others had top 3 history movies like I did. I went with Abraham Lincoln (1930), gunfight at the ok corral (1957) and the great northfield Minnesota raid (1972). I spoke of how I had been to all of these places. one of them (tombstone, AZ) was part of my first-ever plane ride, back in 1989, to Tucson. dad wanted to visit his aunt who had retired there. I also chose the three songs that served as breaks during the podcast. this was 'basket case' by green day, 'muzzle' by smashing pumpkins, and 'this love' by maroon 5. the first two I had sang at karaoke as I knew I could sing them with passion, and I have seen those bands in concert multiple times. the third served as a reminder of my life being in transition, having just been laid off from my job in suburban Chicago in early 2004. heard it on my car radio when I was driving home. but I learned how my life was anything but over, it was only beginning. I saw this band in concert a year later, after having moved to Minnesota. I was asked things like what actors would play me, and my weirdest story from being at a bar. on my way home I got a picture of the city center in this town as it was near where I had done the podcast.
   I had hoped it would be a ho-hum day at the office, but it wasn't. I still got out at midday though as scheduled. I needed help with submitting the payoff report as I was locked out of the system where I can order contracts, not enough time to do a password reset. so somebody else had to order and print them. I know well enough to ask for help when necessary.
   after I got home eventually I watched a Charlie Brown DVD I had just bought this week at Target, it included 'what a nightmare'. I am slowly acquiring these specials, paying attention when I see them in stores. now I have 24 of the 45 specials that I am aware of. I try not to have too much overlap, but there is some when many of these discs has more than one show on them.

hey mr. tambourine man

'hey mr. tambourine man' was the song I heard when I was getting popcorn tonight before going to the comedy venue. also memorable was somebody asking to borrow my phone and I turned them down. it went well performing, and I did include this bit in my set. the show runner liked it when I did another one and said 'prove it' in reference to somebody claiming it was a Pontiac trans-am that was in the movie 'smokey and the bandit'.
   I usually don't pay much attention to the TV show 'goldbergs' but I did tonight as it mentioned ruben amaro jr., who played for the phillies like his dad did. I found out some of what is on the show is accurate, after checking the Wikipedia page for ruben. he did go to a school called William penn in philadephia, and later on to college at Stanford. there was also mention of 'eddie the eagle' Edwards, who was an Olympic ski jumper. sounds like there is a bio-pic about him coming out soon.
   I went to a round-table at the office that was held in the first half of the work-day, but it seemed to be too much like the others. it was one big gripe session, and a few had way more to say than the others. it also went past its time allotment, 60 minutes. I left at 90 minutes. the new site leader is deciding to have them.
  

check me out socks

tonight I went to target as I needed to replace my winter shoes as more than one pair of socks had holes in them. I got three pairs of socks besides the winter shoes. all would be considered anything but dull. one of them said 'check me out', with a checkerboard or plaid pattern. this can have multiple meanings, in my case as a comic I think of performing of course. another had a western theme, probably a lawman as I saw a tin star on it. I of course thought of emerson hough, my inspiration as a writer, when I got these. the third had an airplane pattern on it, and I thought of a favorite movie, 'up in the air'. I had to ask where the winter shoes were, as they seemed to be hard to find. I was told many of them had already been sold and this seemed odd as winter isn't over yet. I know full well it helps to have the winter shoes when I take the bus to work since I often have to trudge through the mud and snow to get there. at least I found something that works for me, though there weren't many options available. I didn't want to go to another store that bad, even though there are other target locations in the area. the shoes may have been the main reason for being there, but I liked finding another Charlie brown DVD as well. it has 'what a nightmare' on it. the other 2 specials I already had on other discs, and thankfully this disc was just five dollars. I was still a little hungry so it also meant getting a half-can of pringles chips. I spoke of my odyssey, if that is the proper word, in a facebook posting. I said I am surprised at times how comedy material just falls in my lap. somehow the cranly and dour thing works for me. when I was coming back I stopped to get a picture of a holiday display that had Charlie brown and snoopy in it. the display said 'i'rish' so this is likely a reference to st. Patrick's day, which is next month.
  I also exchanged some messages on facebook related to the podcast I am doing this week. it led to a discussion of museums and historic sites I have seen. really looking forward to the podcast.
  at the office I decided not to go to a meeting about a recent survey as I wanted to stay ahead of my normal duties. fairly often lately I said 'not going' as the conference room was full, but this time there were some seats available. I am already signed up for a round-table this week, it sounds like it is related to this meeting anyway.

too legit to quit, mc hammer

tonight at the comedy club I saw 'too legit to quit' by mc hammer on the TV monitors as the show began. I recalled this being a hit when I was in high school, even dancing to it at the dances. the lasting impression will be seeing some sports stars in the video, like baseball player Kirby puckett. I did notice MC hammer wearing an Oakland a's jacket, but this made sense when I understand his stage name refers to his time in the game of baseball. it will mean finding the video on youtube so I can get a better look at it.

take back the power, interrupters

after watching the Michael moore movie 'where to invade next' I decided to look up the song in the closing credits. it was 'take back the power' by the interrupters. it is a black and white video that I found on youtube. the lyrics send a powerful message, and the song is high energy and fast so it really works for me. the song asks questions like 'what's your plan for tomorrow, are you a leader or will you follow, are you a fighter or will you cower, it's our time take back the power'. other lyrics that had impact for me was 'you don't look like one of us, we don't need to run and hide, we won't be pushed off to the side'. first time I had heard of this band. my guess is the band will get more attention, as people pay attention to movies. another movie by mr. moore where I recalled the song in the closing credits was 'rocking in the free world' by neil young, in 'Fahrenheit 9/11'.
   I stayed busy today, no problem there. I had chores like the dishes and laundry. but there was also watching 2 more movies to be more prepared for a podcast I am doing soon. then there was performing in the evening. it went well, even did a joke I didn't expect to about seeing myself in the mirror while onstage and wasn't expecting this. so I had to look away and stay focused on my performance, especially when it is hard to look at what I look like while performing. but I know this is proof of being effective at performing, sometimes one needs to change things 'on the fly'. others were about what I saw at a recent burlesque show, picking up pennies and my Canadian penny collection, and answering jokes I heard tonight like asking myself certain questions and how I had been to a facebook wedding as well.
    the one about pennies was mostly inspired by a visit to target for pizza just before the show, and seeing pennies on the carpet near the snack bar entrance. one of them was Canadian, hadn't seen one in  months. I liked being able to add it to my collection as it was a year I didn't have yet. they will be harder to find in circulation now since they aren't made anymore. it was why I had to order some, especially the older ones, on e-bay. I was also thinking of what happened when doing laundry, but didn't cover it in the joke. I like challenges, like when I see coins 'trapped' somewhere and I want to see if I can get them out. in this case it was three that had fallen between two lines of machines and I couldn't reach it with my arm. it meant reaching in with a stick I found outside and moving it closer to where I could reach it with my hand. this worked for two of them, a penny and quarter. for the third, another penny, it probably means putting some chewing gum on the end of the stick or something else sticky like tape. I will probably try again when I make a return visit. this is how I am, where I like finding things as I've proven to be good at it.  

where to invade next movie

I went to see the Michael moore documentary 'where to invade next' at the lagoon in Minneapolis this afternoon. I liked it as it is hopeful. so this meant I liked it more than 'Fahrenheit 9/11' which made me sad and angry. I already spoke of seeing this movie on facebook and twitter. I understand mr. moore is retweeting what moviegoers are saying about it. hard to say if this will include me. I did say 'thank you' for showing the 35w bridge collapse, in reference to the nation's crumbling infrastructure. that night in 2007 is one I will probably never forget. I got plenty of calls wanting to know if I was all right. I recalled one of the cartoons in the paper saying 'land of 10,000 tears' on a Minnesota license plate, instead of 10,000 lakes. he covered many different subjects, in all of the travels he made to Europe and north Africa. it means looking up Slovenia, but based on where it was depicted on the map this must be the former Yugoslavia. a quick check of Wikipedia confirms it, but that is all I looked up at this point. it meant something to me when covering the paid vacation that workers get. I get something like 5 weeks a year, but it is due to working for the same company for 17 years. not many perks with a non-union job, but seniority is one of them. it is likely why I have stayed so long, as I am afraid I would have to start over at another company with less vacation time. I also liked mention of standardized tests, where officials in other countries recommend doing away with them. I know I lashed out against them, saying it was a 'little game of fill in the dots' and I didn't believe that a college application should put so much stress on these scores. same is true with trying to get scholarships. I don't agree with everything that mr. moore has to say, but I am still willing to listen to it as he is covering issues that others won't touch. I think I have seen all of his movies, going back to seeing 'roger and me', his first, in high school. this was on cable TV, cinemax, on 'vanguard cinema'. I made it an event to see them at the theater, including seeing 'Fahrenheit 9/11' on the 4th of july. another one saw on that date, but a different year of course, was 'sicko' if I am not mistaken. I bought a bag of sour cream and cheddar chips at a nearby grocery store and had eaten most of them before the movie began, as I was hungry and wanted to be on time for the movie.
   after the movie I went on to the mall in Roseville and exchanged a pair of corduroy pants that didn't fit. this time I got something not on the sale rack, and not corduroy. it meant paying more, using up the rest of the gift card money I had, but it was worth it as I took great care in seeing that it fit this time. I got home and did my weekly grocery store order, then it was out the door again. there was a play to see in downtown st. paul, whopper was in it. I liked it, laughed a lot, especially about the awkward explanations of 'I didn't mean to do it' as it was relatable. it was called 'tamburlaine'. it was about a shepherd and a king, and some parts of the storyline reminded me of 'macbeth'. I took the bus there, and after the play I rode with a heavyset man wearing a timberwolves hat and some warmup basketball pants. odd, since he looked anything but athletic. he spoke of knowing a woman who had a Pontiac firebird trans am that was in the 'smokey and the bandit' movie , and something about making out on the hood of the car.

glockenspiel, st. paul

I wanted to go to the Lenten fish fry at the glockenspiel in st. paul but when I was walking up to it I said 'this doesn't bode well'. the windows were covered up, appeared to be no lights on. as expected, door was locked, so it must have closed but not sure when. I decided to get fish and chips at the nearby Chicago hot dog place. one employee there said 'the glock' had been closed for 2-3 months. all I know was I didn't go there too often. it is tougher than I thought it would be to find some Lenten fish fries when it doesn't appear to be the first that is 'unavailable'. all I found about the American legion was some mention of renovation.
   tonight I went to a burlesque show. somebody had recognized me from performing and we clinked glasses. I like hearing from those who like seeing me perform, much like those who read anything on this blog. it was hit and miss on the musical numbers, but I did like some of them. this included 'suicide blonde' by INXS, the dancer is the Melissa joan hart look-alike. another was 'hey good looking' by hank Williams. also notable was near the end, one of the producers did 2 cher songs, in the costume from 'turn back time'. this was one of two songs, the other was 'got you babe'.
  I had somebody leave a comment on an earlier entry about a song I had written about, asking me to share a joke or one liner. well I normally don't do this, same is true with other comics I write about. I typically just say what the subject of the joke is.
   this morning I liked hearing more stories about living in Chicago from the science museum employee. this included how her brother was in the 'jesse white tumblers' and how one of the mayors, Richard j. daley (the older one, mayor from 1955-1976) arrived at the projects. trying to recall what he made available, possibly a trampoline. I know she said she grew up in the projects with Kirby puckett and mr. t., I understand this would be the now-demolished Robert taylor homes.
   still finalizing plans for the podcast appearance next week, with things like music played during breaks and what subjects I will be discussing, my 'top 3 list'. it looks like there is another notable gig being offered to me, but we still need to work out the details further.

wet plastic bags

I decided to take a walk around the neighborhood after watching 'big bang theory'. I did the typical thing while walking, which was pick up trash near my path. it meant plenty of wet plastic bags, besides aluminum cans. I took off the pull tabs from the cans, 6 in all. describing the bags this way reminded me of a song by radiohead, 'fake plastic trees'. so I found the song on youtube when I got back. although the song I was thinking of even more during the walk was 'break my stride'. I checked the Wikipedia article this week and it said there have been some covers of it. I found four. the two mentioned on Wikipedia was by blue lagoon and unique 2. I also found ones by body bangers and amy rose. amy's version, not that great. but the other three are good. made sense to think of it when on this long walk, since 'I've got to keep on moving' is in  the hook. I walked up to a co-op grocery store, then turned around after getting my first look inside the place.
   I did watch 2 'big bang theory' episodes tonight. syndicated rerun was when Sheldon couldn't decide on what electronics system to buy, and he was still in the store with amy when it closed. prime time episode was when howard found out Bernadette is pregnant. I liked it a lot as it ended up with the friends singing karaoke. one of the songs was 'bust a move'. of course I like this song as it reminds me of one of my favorite movies, 'up in the air', as it was in the movie. and I danced to it at my cousin's wedding last summer.
   I liked getting two things crossed off my list tonight, after getting back from the walk. one was to order a comedy CD. I had the other two already from this comic, who I saw perform last month. she is based in LA and has a podcast. it was ordered from amazon, and as usual I used a gift card so I didn't have to pay full price. the other thing was to renew a membership with a writers organization, the one where I have been to their convention three times. it had been on my list for a while, since I saw an email about it last month. the main thing was to get a password reset, then it was problem to go through the renewal process.
   at the office I did 20 settled and paid in full letters, after doing just 3 on the previous day. I claimed  a cinnamon roll from the smaller break room as I was leaving in the evening. it looked like I had a date scheduled for the weekend but it has already been postponed, family health issues. I think I can find something else to do during that time, like see the Michael moore documentary.

student loan arrest

there was more than one posting in my facebook news feed about people getting arrested for not paying their student loans. I responded by saying they won't be getting me, as mine were paid in full many years ago. I decided to talk about it onstage tonight. it went well at the comedy venue, that and the ones about girl scout cookies were notable. I also had to say to somebody in the crowd how bo Jackson didn't play for the Vikings. it was after mention of once seeing an ahmad Rashad jersey at the joe senser's in Roseville.
 we did wii dancing for the first time in a while. it included 'video killed the radio star' and 'pump it', the 'pulp fiction'  song.
 

tin whiskers brewing

tonight I went to an event at tin whiskers brewing in downtown st.paul. it was related to a podcast had appeared on a year ago. it was fun to do a quick interview with conga line, who is in charge of the podcast. there was cake as well, and I had two pieces of it. I was given a drink ticket and I did get a beer with it. it was nice to discover another micro-brewery, not far from my workplace. I just stayed downtown after work since it was so close. I picked up a sandwich at super-America before going there, figuring there wouldn'r be food at the event. there was a total of six 'ring of honor' people there, and conga line was one of them. one couple brought their young son. when riding the bus home one patron said she wanted a different bus stop when getting off, 60 feet father up, saying she had been robbed at the other one.
  

rain on the scarecrow, john mellencamp

tonight on the way to the comedy club I heard the song 'rain on the scarecrow' by john mellencamp. I recall this song being a hit when I was young, in 1985 as I recall. after hearing it tonight I had to find it on youtube. memorable is the spoken introduction with the three farmers wearing garst seed hats, and how they don't need more loans. growing up in small town iowa during the 1980s farm crisis it was hard to ignore. it was in the news fairly often, with bank failures and sheriff sales. sometimes one only heard about a small town when their only bank failed, like in odebolt or Massena. later on the basketball team from Massena made the state tournament, and it was said it was the first time the town had made the state-wide news since the bank failure. what would you rather have, the basketball team or the bank failure? there was also the mass murder committed by dale burr near iowa city in 1985, where he killed his banker, wife and neighbor before turning the gun on himself. it was desperate times for many out there. there was a movie called 'country' about the farm crisis as well, starring wilford Brimley and Jessica lange. later on I saw it on video, I recalled the 'no sale' chant at an auction. with 'rain on the scarecrow' lyrics like '400 empty acres that used to be my farm' and '97 crosses planted in the courthouse yard' were most memorable. I guess it is because the imagery is captured well. mellencamp is from Indiana, and the way it was written it almost sounded like an autobiography. he must have witnessed it close-up in that area. and he was well-known for being part of 'farm aid', the benefit concerts.
   I wasn't picked at the first club but I got stage time at the second. I did one about being asked if I wanted to buy any girl scout cookies, I said I had just bought a box on Friday. I asked if they would be there that day, as it is payday, sounded like the answer was no.

goya red kidney beans

when I was taking the light rail home tonight after performing I saw some trash near me. it was a nearly empty can of goya red kidney beans. all that was left was a little sauce. I got a picture of the can so I could remember the name better. it was put inside a bag from buffalo wild wings and thrown into a trash bin at my stop. I am not sure if I have ever eaten this kind of food before.
  I did two shows today, first was the donut show. I liked getting some 'bonus' stage time. besides my set, I did a few minutes with number 25 during her set. chameleon shared a photo and I decided to share it on my facebook news feed. it was fun sharing the stage with her, I spoke about things like 'bonnie types' and the jewel song 'who will save your soul'. after it I went home for a short time and returned for one at a pub. I did a mostly different set at the second one. at the first one I started off with a story about getting a valentines day card from 'secret admirers' in high school that I knew in advance was a prank. I also said how it seems like performing comedy is a futile attempt to stay out of a therapist office as I have been in and out of them since probably age 12. no surprise how I enjoyed this day more than the previous one. I referred to a Meghan trainor song to long straw when I was thinking how I felt. the song was 'feel better when I am dancing'. in my case it is 'feel better when I am performing'.
   before I got busy today I watched a DVD, 'Charlie brown's Christmas tales'. included was 'is this goodbye?' I had seen it before, but it had been a while. I have half of the Charlie brown specials on mostly DVD (just 2 on VHS) and I am hopeful I can pick up some more soon. it means keeping an eye peeled when in stores like target and Walmart. easier to get them in person, haven't tried finding any online yet. also put in a photo order at Walgreen but they were running out of paper for the prints so I haven't picked up anything yet. hard to do with today's schedule, and I was too tired to go over there after getting home from the second show.

joe senser's, roseville

I made a visit to the joe senser's in Roseville, first time in 12 years. I ate there when I was looking at housing and planning on moving to the area. I stayed at the motel 6, which was adjacent. I recalled four Vikings jerseys on the wall, from their super bowl teams, including ahmad Rashad. I didn't see them this time. I had a mardi gras catfish sandwich, kind of messy as it included a fried egg. odd that the server said the cloth napkins weren't used much. so it begs the question as to why they were there. I said this in reference to being given paper napkins before even requesting them.
   after I was done I went on to schulz arena and saw a hockey game, an annual visit as I like seeing the snoopy statue there since the arena is named for snoopy's creator. Bloomington Jefferson beat cretin derham hall 5-0. it was scoreless after the first period, then Jefferson got 3 goals in the second. the first was about 6 minutes in, then about 2 1/2 minutes later, then about 6 minutes after that. in the third the goals were scored about 3 minutes in, then 11 minutes later, so at opposite ends of the period since they are 17 minutes long. I did do the puck toss, and was pleased that at least I got it inside the circle. I would like to think I learned something from doing this before.
   I liked finding and reading a historical marker nearby at highland park high school in st. paul, about a school building called mattock. big dog's wife teaches there and said it is a classroom for Spanish, when I tagged her on facebook.
   in the evening I went to a comedy show, a 'pun battle', where chameleon was performing music. I liked seeing a good-sized crowd there but expected to know more of the people there than I did.  

sweet science ice cream

tonight I went to an ice cream tasting, a facebook invite I got from jane goodall. I hadn't done something like this before, and I like doing things for the experience. it was crowded there, but I was willing to wait it out. some of the flavors tasted better than others. I did get one pint, it was pumpkin 5 spice. some of the things there looked like a periodic table. my first photo there was about a unicorn stable. also got a sticker from this place, it was at five watt in Minneapolis. it was nice doing events with comedy friends away from the clubs, and being able to talk about more than just comedy. but it did help me in other ways. I am the type that looks at some things that others won't. I am good at finding things. in this case when I was leaving in saw sho announcement cards for a history play that will be at Bryant lake bowl soon. I had seen a similar play during fringe festival last august. so I am hopeful I can attend this one as well. I did order a ticket online for whopper's play, and will be attending it next week, the final show in the series.
  later on tonight I went to the comedy club and saw school bouncer, bus fare, and perkins perform.

break my stride, matthew wilder

recently I heard the song 'break my stride' by matthew wilder while out and about. I recall this song when it was a hit in the 1980s. for some reason I thought one of the lyrics was 'got to keep a fool dale' but it was 'got to keep on moving'. I had to listen to it multiple times on youtube and read the lyrics online to understand it fully. and yes, that meant putting a hand over one ear to hear it better. the song may sound happy, but the subject sure isn't. I understand it to be about a lost love, and some of the best songs, most passionate ones, are about this subject. this is evident in the early lines, about 'sailed away to china' and 'to find you'. then of course there is the chorus, or often called 'the hook'. 'ain't nothing going to break my stride, nobody's going to slow me down, oh no, I've got to keep on moving'. then of course there is 'never let another girl like you'. also can't forget 'you look at me and you see your past'. at the same time, this doesn't bother me any as I have heard artists say before 'it's whatever you want it to be'. some may see it as empowerment, I know I do on some level. especially with the 'got to keep on moving'. I have said this before about wanting to stay busy, stay occupied, as much as I can. as long as I am, then I don't have time to feel much of anything, like feeling sad about anything. I know Maryland said this before about why a shark constantly moves if I am not mistaken. it has to keep moving to survive. the song was also played on the news when there was a story about a private plane crash involving a sports team sponsored by iowa state university. it was on the night of an ice storm. so in this case it has to be thought of as empowering and appropriate.
   tonight I watched 3 episodes of 'big bang theory'. syndicated rerun was when Sheldon met james earl jones. I know I wrote about this one before, as I liked the line from carrie fisher, which was 'it's not funny anymore, james!' first prime time episode was about raj breaking up with Emily right before valentines day. Sheldon made amy a partner on the flag show, and Bernadette said she was pregnant. the second one was about Sheldon and leonard buying helium for their work. I hadn't seen it before. then it led to a discussion about semantics with who they did business with.
   I probably could have paid more attention to the first prime time episode, but I was preoccupied with my match dot-com profile after deciding to accept a good deal on the membership fees, at least half-off. I did exchange emails with one match, the one who emailed me four days ago. it did pique my interest.
   the Filipino man at my office tells me he may be switching roles soon. I also found out he got picked for the STEP program, the same thing I had applied for. I liked staying caught up on the letters. on facebook it was annoying about one posting on a Huguenot page. some of the people there are haters, and the negative energy can be too much. it all started on a posting about how some Christian observances have pagan roots, which is already widely known. it is now the season of lent, I think this is why it was brought up. sometimes this is why one just needs to take a break from social media.

latch key kid

I saw the Filipino man in the break room this morning and I spoke of my plant doing well after 8 years. another employee spoke about how it means I would be good at parenting, which had to be a joke. eventually I spoke of 'latch key kids' and said I was one, he didn't know what this meant. I said it likely refers to kids having to get themselves into the homes they live in. I was correct. the Wikipedia article said kids who arrive at an empty home as the parents are at work. there was also a link to the term 'free range parenting' and credit was given to dr. Benjamin spock. I understand he is controversial, and was mentioned in the movie 'look who's talking'. the characters in it had conflicting opinions about that man. the article does seem to explain some things about me, like how I value my independence as I knew things often didn't get done unless I did them. hard to say on what level that time still influences me, as we continually evolve throughout life. I don't hold this up as a badge of honor by any means though. but it does explain why I still want to pay it forward and find a kid that I can mentor as I knew how much it meant to me to find those who cared after being 'emotionally orphaned'. I know tetris spoke of this as well, to a small extent.
  it was great being back at the performance venue tonight, and I liked trying out mostly new jokes. some of these included ones I was inspired to do based on events that had happened earlier today. like having my phone on for the time and it was what woke me up when I fell asleep after getting home. it was from my school's alumni association. then after I had eaten at taco bell, and went to pick up a few items at family dollar, I was called again. this time it was from a politician's campaign. I needed toilet paper and invisible tape. I did do a reference to the 'latch key' term, but made it more about the TV show 'perfect strangers' as it reminded me of larry teaching balki about American life. I also spoke of songs by sia that I recently heard, as well as 'tears of a clown'. it is not just a song by smokey robinson's band, but also a reference made in an Eminem song. in addition, I liked hearing 'miss misery' by Elliott smith when I arrived. it reminded me of my favorite movie, 'good will hunting'. and it led to mention of another favorite movie, 'up in the air', as another one of his songs is in it, 'angel in the snow'. and I spoke of looking forward to my annual Chicago visit.
   I liked getting the letters caught up at the office, but it wasn't easy as it meant I was really busy with it after getting my share of the payoff report done.  

rolling pin and robe

sometimes I go through my facebook news feed and see something I like. in this case it was from the couple that I saw get married in 2014, they are now in California. she spoke of being so married she was chasing her husband with a rolling pin, and a robe on, as I recall. I said I liked the imagery in the posting. I also liked her profile photo, it looked like a professional headshot.
   resting worked just fine for me tonight, which meant I didn't go to the clubs. even though there were at least three shows I knew about that I could have attended. I am to the point where I am more likely now to show up only if performing, though if it means enough to me I will be there to support some of my friends. I did my best to get caught up on paperwork, and it meant putting more things in the pile to be shredded, mostly old mail. now I have two amazon gift card codes, as enterprise rent a car sent me another one today. so it means figuring out what I want to order with it. I still haven't ordered the don rickles DVD that the Wisconsin dude suggested to me, one that has plenty of bob Newhart in it. so that may finally be topping the list.
   it also meant trying to figure out my schedule of events that I am attending in the next few weeks. some of them were facebook invites, like a play I was invited to by whopper. others were speed dating, seen on facebook as well as meetup. but I may have to say no to Saturday's speed dating and go to the one in early march instead as I don't want to cut it too close on seeing one of chameleon's shows when she is in town this weekend. I even liked hearing one of her band's songs on youtube, called 'go gay for you'. not sure what it is that I like about it, but I think that as a whole her band's music is truly a 'guilty pleasure'. I know it started with hearing the joe biden song when they were doing shows with valley meadows in back in 2012.
   it is still busy at the office as I am still trying to get caught up with the letters after being out of the office on Wednesday. I know I am now starting to think more about my annual visit to Chicago-land, as I want to go next month. but I still need to get the day off from work, and make the reservations as well. I started pricing the airfares today, not as low as I would have liked. I want to give myself as much time as possible there. it is an extended weekend, so I want to arrive before midday on day one and be there until mid-afternoon on day three. then I have more time for visiting tourist sites. I have wanted to see the shedd aquarium again as I haven't seen it since age 8. it is often promoted at the minor-league wolves hockey games that I attend. it also meant pricing hotel rooms on hotels dot-com, and it may mean staying at one I've been at before but it is fine with me. I do my best to read the ratings by customers when I pick a place, but I also look at price to keep things affordable.

fat monday, timberwolves game

this was my annual visit to a timberwolves basketball game as they were playing the new Orleans pelicans. I like the reminder of visiting the big easy in 2002, and this is the only new Orleans team that visits annually. wolves lost but they had trailed for most of the game. the theme was 'fat monday' as ash Wednesday is this week, and of course new Orleans is famous for mardi-gras (fat Tuesday). there was some Dixieland music at halftime and what looked like parade entrants going around the floor. I got one photo of it that I liked but it was hard to do from far away and not much lighting as well. also notable was having no ticket when I arrived at the arena. I went to a ticket booth and before I was first in line I saw a man ask me how many tickets I needed, I said one. he was willing to sell me one for ten dollars, a good deal. I just said I needed to go to the ATM. so we did after passing through the security checkpoint, and he got the change needed after I went to get some bottle water and a bagt of peanuts as I hadn't eaten yet aside from a banana after getting off work. so I guess here's to you, single serving friend. I did get a hot dog at halftime, and trying to keep a hold of everything I did drop one item. thankfully it was the bag of nuts and not the hot dog I had just bought and hadn't taken a bite out of yet.  it was well done, asked for no onions. I usually just put ketchup and mustard on it, unless I find sauerkraut then that goes on it as well. I liked how it worked well logistically, as the light rail brought me there just minutes before gametime. and I didn't have to wait long for light rail after the game either. but of course it was helpful that the game ended before 10pm, when there still is a higher frequency of trains.
   at work I brought some cookies for my service anniversary, 17 years. some were pumpkin and others were peanut butter. I let the Filipino man know but he said he is allergic to peanuts so that left the pumpkin for him apparently. I liked how not much was left by the end of the day. I like it when I don't have to eat many myself. but I do know well enough to take some off the top to make sure I get any at all. looks like I won the monthly vote, first time I had ever won. I had to ask if this was correct. I will be getting 50 points, now it means deciding what to get with it. for a while it has been amazon gift cards, but there are plenty of cards to choose from.
   at midday I decided to call customer service for two internet dating sites. one was e-harmony and the other match dot-com. I am a fully paid member for the former, not the latter. I asked the latter of they match prices like grocery stores do, sounds like they won't. unless you count their 6-month guarantee. I did have one thing changed on e-harmony, it was the age range. the problem with one of those 'one and done' dates from last month was the age difference.so that means more matches closer to my age. still not big on changing the 'radius' from what it is, 30 miles or less. on yet another site, I was surprised to get a 'looking for you' from one match. nothing unusual to get these from out of state, but this one was from my hometown of newton, iowa. so I did accept it, normally I don't. we will see how it goes.

budweiser, give a damn

I watched the super bowl, Denver beat Carolina 24-10. one of the ads I saw in the second half was a PSA against drunk driving by Budweiser, called 'give a damn'. a british actress apparently was in it, and it became one of three postings on twitter about the game. the other two were about lady gaga doing singing of the national anthem, along with another commercial. it was at halftime, and the fancy comic did a taco bell ad. Denver led 13-7 at the half. I was fine with watching the game at home, more comfortable there. I was so comfortable that I fell asleep in my easy chair and missed the Carolina TD.
   I made it back to the studio in Brooklyn park this afternoon for sketch filming. it was my second time there, and the first since November. I did my own sketch, as a car sales rep, and was in others as well. a crowd member for a preaching sketch, and a class member in a crying class. I said I wanted to be out before the super bowl began, and I was. I was out just after 4:30pm, and was home shortly after 5pm, less than 30 minutes before kickoff. we had little caesars pizza, soda pop, and chips ahoy cookies for lunch. I did snack some before departing for the studio. I picked up a few things at the grocery store at midday, including cookies for the office as I am marking my service anniversary. I got plenty of pictures as usual at the studio, including one of a warning sign that said 'do not use the fog machine'. it reminded me of what happened at my first-ever paid gig, as the fire alarm went off.
   I got an email from a member of match dot-com, but can't read it as I am not a fully paid member. it is a dirty trick and I will see if I can get a better deal than what is offered. I will tell them that I will sign up if they match the price I pay for e-harmony.i know grocery stores match prices, it is where I got the idea from.

mistress america movie

I had hoped to get around to see a movie at theaters today, but it was not to be. I got back from the library, jc penney, and the winter carnival and felt tired. so I figured I should rest before going to a movie, and slept for an hour. by then I knew I wouldn't make it in time. so I checked redbox online to see what looked good, as I had a code for a free first night. there were 6 movies I wrote down, and I picked 'mistress america'. the storyline sounded good about two stepsisters-to-be, in new York city. one of them just started college, the other age 30. though a big part of the storyline took place in Greenwich, CT, a road trip to secure investors for a restaurant. since I enjoy writing I liked how the college student was applying for a literary organization. and it made sense how she would draw upon what she knew, in this case the stepsister, for inspiration in the writings. I don't think I recognized any of the actors in it, but this was no big deal for me. I just want to watch something with a good story. it was funny when the term 'posse' was used for the four who went to the suburbs by car. besides the stepsisters, this included the driver, who dated the younger one, and his new lady friend. this was a weird twist to the story. at times it was hard to understand those two characters being in it, as I figured after a breakup usually the couple wants nothing to do with each other. but they may have had to 'write them into the story' since somebody needed to drive them out there. at the same time, it looked like the younger one was taking a train later on. and as I recall from visiting the area in 2004, there are trains that start at grand central and go out to new haven, CT, 70 miles away. I liked using that train. good story though, worth it as a rental. another one that wouldn't have seen in theaters but fine as a rental.
    in the evening I did attend a comedy show and became the camera operator after I was told that the intended operator didn't show up. I like having a role, staying occupied, so it was fine with me. especially with the perks I received, two beers.

first meetup event

I finally got to a meetup event tonight, it was Brazilian music at a st. paul bar. I met the co-host first, he said he was an accountant for the postal service. some were interested in the blog so I did give out business cards. I got some photos as well. It felt like one dude looked familiar, like possibly at a match dot-com bowling event over a year ago. I think I will do it again, when the schedule allows of course. there was the silly conversations on the couch.
  I did announce by email to the event coordinators how I was ending my involvement with the mentoring program, effective immediately. it was after I followed up with the teacher that I had aired my grievances with the previous day. I did say 'my door is open' as to why, though I am not changing my mind. the event coordinator wanted to hear more, but our schedules don't match up well. at the same time, I realized that it is a 'conflict of interest' to speak with him further, and have some other event coordinator take my statement.
   I saw both bus friends, morning and early evening. saw the science museum employee in the morning, who spoke of closing on a house in a few months. I said I would attend if there was a house warming party. it did remind me of the Filipino man I work with, who spoke of his expected citizenship ceremony this year. I was told to find out how long he has been here, and he said 3 years.
  besides the mentoring program ordeal, I was occupied at work with other issues. there was the failed interview with the STEP program. but I am thankful I got somebody who cared enough to say why I wasn't picked and how to improve my interviewing skills. I was definitely combative and frustrated, even said 'I am convinced that I have to lie, cheat and steal'. another was 'interviews are impossible'.
he did write down some things in the notebook that I had available. then I saw how I can apply the lessons of performing to interviewing, on being prepared better. though I still believe in trying to play games with a better chance of winning. there was no doubt more passion stirred up.  

extend me some courtesy

I will have to admit that the events of the previous day really did influence my time back at the office today. I was doing a flex schedule, for a date that was canceled, and when I did drawer lockup I liked hearing 'thank you' from a colleague I don't hear from much. And I said it was nice to hear it, since I don't hear it all that often. I spoke of what happened, being disrespected at the mentoring event. it led to me quoting a line from the movie 'a few good men' starring jack Nicholson. although I took out the swear words, as it is after all still at the office. It was the line when the Tom Cruise character lands in Cuba and he is told 'to extend me some courtesy'. it meant that I stayed longer at the office than I probably should have. but what did it matter, when the date had already been canceled, and I really didn't need to be anywhere?
   I told myself I should confer with somebody in the program before I made any decisions. I chose one of the teachers, especially when my beef is with the event coordinator. I know full well that it is hard to enjoy most things, be it a class or a job, if I don't like who is in charge of it. although the email conversation with the teacher only seemed to validate my reasons why I need to quit the program effective immediately. I spoke of how my student has been a no-show, and was told not to take it personally. well I still do! I've tried to make a difference with these students and it is frustrating that I haven't yet. especially when I know the event coordinator has been disrespectful numerous times before. he is guilty of doing things like razzing me about what college I attended (really? how old are we?) as well as trying to blame me for why students weren't sending emails. usually we found out it was due to the student leaving the school and nobody bothered to tell me. the teacher said a student had lodged a complaint against me, but when I was told which one, I knew it was from over a year ago. why am I only hearing about it now? I can't do anything if I don't know what is wrong. and why would I make disparaging comments about a school, when I am helping out at the school? it is really far-fetched. same kid wanted to be on his phone and talk to his friends more than talk to me. the teacher asked if it would work better if I switched to another role, like helping out behind the scenes. but I said not if it meant working with the event coordinator that disrespected me. I grew tired of feeling 'less than valued'. this is something like year 9 in the program, and are they aware that I am taking time off of work to be there? my boss gives me a certificate every year on my service anniversary as a way of saying 'thank you.' and I don't think I have ever received one from the mentoring program. I had considered finishing out the year, didn't want the kid to feel bad about it. but the kid doesn't want me as a mentor, and i haven't met the kid yet, so why should I care?
    tonight i watched 2 episodes of 'big bang theory'. syndicated rerun was when bob Newhart was a guest star, along with Bill Nye, so it was bob's second guest appearance. prime time episode was when Sheldon's grandma visits, and she doesn't like Amy. i walked around a little after it, and got some microwave popcorn at the family dollar. i also checked the closest redbox, but they still don't have a movie i want to see, 'straight out of compton'. i had hoped to hear from a friend who lives in st. louis, but all i got was a text message in response to my 2 voicemails saying 'i am exhausted, will call you this weekend'.

pericles play at guthrie

I had the day off from work so I could attend a Shakespeare play at the Guthrie in Minneapolis, as part of the Roosevelt mentoring program. it was 'pericles', a play I didn't know but I know some of the Shakespeare plays are obscure. it was all right, I read the Wikipedia article in advance of watching it so I knew what to expect from it. it was funny at times. but sadly, I will remember this event for two other reasons. one was my student was a no-show, again. the other was what happened with the event coordinator. I asked if any help was needed after the play, as we were waiting for lunch to be served. he failed to acknowledge what I had said, told me to 'go back', and pushed me away. when I confronted later on about it I got a weak apology. I have better things to do with my time than to take a day off from work and get disrespected at a volunteer program. so now I will have to do some soul searching and figure out if it is a good idea to continue. I have had some hangups with the program before, like the constant 'lack of effort' on the part of the students I am assigned. or in the case of one last year, he was disrespectful by wanting to spend time on his phone or talking to friends, things he can do somewhere else. or there was even the time when I was 'un-invited' to a year-end event, and I was told it was due to not having a student in the program, which wasn't my fault. adding insult to injury was getting a message saying 'we have a big day planned' after I was un-invited. I said I have been a fill-in before when mentors were out, and it was no big deal before. and I am willing to help out any way I can. so then I was re-invited, as I could help with the food. but it was still hard to forget what had happened. I put forth the effort that is being requested, sending emails on a regular basis and showing up at in-person events. I think this is year 9 for me, and so far I have missed just one event, and there are four a year. even after my grandma's funeral in 2008, I still made it as there was no scheduling conflict. so I really don't care for the 'slap in the face' that I seem to get all the time, where I just don't feel valued.
   I performed at two different comedy venues tonight, and did a bit about this event at both. it is my way of 'dumping pain'. much like the previous day, when I got home I slept. different this time was deciding to get up and go to the post office before 5pm to check my box, but there was nothing in it. I knew this likely would be the case, as I haven't ordered anything from e-bay or amazon in a while. but I still wanted to check as you never know what might be there.
  I got a private message on facebook from Morton salt, it was waiting for me when I got back from the play. he said he liked reading the blog, especially what I had written about dating frustrations. so it must have been the entry from two days ago. I like hearing when people read it but I usually don't know unless they tell me. he did say some do get started on families later in life. I said I had been putting more pressure on myself as I felt like I was running out of time. most of the people I know from school, or in my extended family, are married or have been. and I still have a hard time getting past date one, late alone date three or month two. most of the time I think being single doesn't bother me much, as I value my independence. this is especially helpful when wanting to perform. but part of me still has the urge to try to find somebody I can share things with.

soft closing of office

a snowstorm led to an announcement that our office would have a 'soft closing' at 2:30pm. I wanted to tie up some loose ends so I made it out around 3pm. since I am out of the office the next day for a Roosevelt mentoring event, I wanted to see things like an out of office reply was up before leaving. I said I was fine with leaving early as long as they pay me for a full day, and they will. before leaving downtown I stopped at a Walgreen and picked up a few items I needed, like Aim toothpaste as well as toilet paper. I got a small bag of trail mix as well, that was eaten before the bus arrived. I waited nearly 20 minutes for my bus, then decided to take one that traced some of the route. so it meant transferring after a while. thankfully I didn't have to wait long at the transfer point. I made it home after 4pm, and slept for over an hour. when I woke up I knew I needed to check facebook for the location of where I was performing tonight, and to get the mapquest directions as well. it meant staying on 'stoplight roads'. I prefer those during winter weather as it is easier to stop when needed, as one is going slower. it worked fine on getting there and getting back. I even did a bit about driving over, as it included mention of a song I heard on my car radio, 'it's my life' by no doubt. I also spoke of valuable lessons from winter driving, like when I drove my car into the median on the interstate when I was in college. I picked up a deli express sandwich at a nearby gas station before the show.
   after the show I still felt hungry so I went to a super-America and got a hot dog. I also went online once I got home and signed up for a meet-up event on Friday. I was bummed about the first event I signed up for being canceled, to be held at an art museum. so I needed some time to bounce back. on the way back I stopped at the chatterbox that closed recently. I read the two signs posted stating the closure. I got photos of them. as expected, it said 'please visit our two other locations'. I am used to seeing this when one location closes. really all that can be done is to write it off as 'economic darwinism', a term I have used before.
  

canada dry tonic water

I am doing a flex schedule this week, and it meant taking the light rail to the comedy club tonight. didn't have the chance to get to super-America like I am used to, so I stopped at a convenience store near the club and got a sandwich. the drink I got was Canada dry tonic water, containing quinine. the sandwich was fine, but didn't like the drink because I didn't like the taste of it. so I guess there is another thing on my list of what I won't drink again, besides soy milk egg nog. I had to look up what quinine is, and the Wikipedia article said it is a medication to prevent and treat malaria. it is the flavor component in tonic water and bitter lemon. I took a few sips of it and couldn't handle it anymore, so I dumped out the rest of it. it was a 10-ounce bottle, cost me just a dollar. so thankfully I wasn't out that much money over it. it was in a glass bottle, I don't see these too often now. also notable from the comedy club tonight was seeing the nurse's aide for the first time in a while, we hugged. sounds like she will be making it to the clubs on a more regular basis now. so of course I am thrilled to hear this.
    the morning didn't start off well, as my date from just over a week ago came back from a weekend of travel and said 'no' to date 2. it sucks to hear it, but I do value the honesty. a Filipino man I work with showed me a message on a smart phone from a cousin if I am not mistaken that also got dumped. and the cousin's message looked a lot like what I received. I did have a date over the weekend, with a different match. but now I am starting to ask myself some tough questions about if I am still interested. I am still doing the flex schedule in spite of the canceled date as I can't change the schedule this late, I had this confirmed by my boss's boss. all of this may have motivated me to try harder with my STEP interview, which was mid-morning. it didn't thrill me to have it that time of day, but I couldn't get it moved to a better time. I feel that I presented myself well, and I know I relied on what works from performing.
   I am still left wondering 'where do we go from here?' with my social life. it was hard to get past the problem I had with my first attempt at a meetup event. I signed up and it got canceled. but it looks like there are two more events on Friday that interest me, now I have to decide which one to attend.
   it worked well on taking light rail home after I wasn't picked to perform, as I didn't have to wait long for the train. I picked up some trash on the train and threw it out at my stop.
  considering what happened, it comes as no surprise to say I looked up some songs on youtube that seemed appropriate. it was 'impossible' by shontelle, and 'heartbeat song' by Kelly Clarkson. with the former I always liked it due to the 'all my scars are open' line. but another one that works from the shontelle song 'I should take caution when it comes to love'. with the latter, it will long remind me of last year's visit to see some 'old haunts' in suburban Chicago. Kelly's song gives me hope when it comes to love, but I am finding out we do tend to create our own opportunities and internet dating doesn't seem to have all that many. the video for it is memorable. I have froze the screen so I can read things like the break-up letter. it says 'I just can't keep on like this. you and I will never work'. then there is the lipstick on the mirror later on, that says 'I will love again'. or the lady standing outside on an upper level, thinking and not looking happy, like she may jump. I still don't understand why I get so excited about nearly all of my dates but most of them don't feel the same way.