my colleague's cousin

I've said it before how I can only handle so much passion and drama for so long. this was one of those days. early on I heard a different voice tone from a colleague in document release that was different, I think she was on the phone. then she said it was the news she didn't want to hear. she said her cousin shot himself, and he was just 26. it reminded me of how a distant cousin of mine committed suicide the same way when I was 12, he was just 22. and I know the family was never quite the same after that, as it was their only son. my dad told me about how he wasn't allowed at the visitation when his cousin's husband died. I know it must be tough to have lost her son and then her husband, but hard to understand shutting people out of her life because of it. with my colleague's cousin we were told he worked for the fire department as a dispatcher, and he seemed fine, a new relationship. but I know some people try to keep their problems hidden, I speak from experience. this is what we were told when bill young passed, a friend I knew in the comedy circuit. he decided to put on a happy face out in public, didn't want to bother people with his problems. he suffered alone. though I understand bill fell victim to something different, an accidental o.d. it was the reminders of bill that made it tough for me for a little while, where I could feel the ashen face again when I spoke of him. so it was a good thing that I did a walk around the floor and saw another colleague that is a big sports fan, and he helped me take my mind off of it even though I didn't say anything about what had happened. he is upbeat about the chances the local hockey team, Minnesota wild, have in their opening playoff series. it was what the doctor ordered, and it was easier to get back to work after it. I also told myself all the more reason to go to the comedy club tonight to support some friends in a contest. it was great to see the first member of my 'ring of honor' there, he was one of the judges tonight. I think it was our first visit in over a year, since he went back to Chicago. I knew some of the other judges, like university accountant and the southern photographer. bathtub was m.c. and grizzly adams was show closer.