afraid

for some reason I was thinking of the word 'afraid' a lot today. I know in the movie 'good will hunting' the toughest scene for me to watch talks about this word. I liked what skylar said back to will: 'i'm afraid too, but I want to give it a shot'. I know I have been afraid of many things before, and often the way I handled it was giving in to my fears. but not anymore. I've learned that it is fine to acknowledge being afraid, but just keep going. then there is Cameron frye in 'ferris bueller'. he said it was the best day of his life, as he just got tired of being afraid. and then there is 'not afraid', a song by Eminem. 'married to the game, gift a curse'. those lines resonate with me. I think I know why I was thinking about this word. I must still be afraid of something, in this case failure and I don't understand that one. but when it comes to my social life, dating, I still am. telling myself I am socially awkward, but that doesn't have to be true anymore. afraid of talking to people, even though I am a performer and can talk to people when onstage.
   I got my outlook back this morning, contacting the help desk. thankfully no important emails were waiting. I also called a number about my 401-k account, as one line on my statement, or itemization, sounds like it is being liquidated soon. no big deal to move one company stock back to the other one, and it was a low amount in there, looks like less than one percent.
   at the performance venue, I did ones about an answer to an earlier joke I had heard there. others were about sia CDs, average dog, surveys, and people who made too many mistakes on dates.