I still don't like how too much of my weekends is about errand running, but what can you do? Only the best you can. The day started with going to a pancake breakfast at a car dealership as part of the local festival, South St. Paul's Kaposia Days. Met a candidate for political office, and there were some hockey cards at the table. Found out she is married to a former pro hockey player. In this state, i've noticed it helps to mention you've played hockey when you're running for office. One of the candidates for governor has it in his TV ads.
Made it back to the Saints baseball stadium to exchange my ticket for a later game. It meant some exercise, as I decided to walk the mile or so from the bar to the stadium, but I like walking a lot. And of course I needed to do laundry, since I woke up after an hour asleep I decided to do it at a laundromat in my neighborhood. I hadn't been there in a few years as I had been going to some others but now I'm unsure as to why. I liked seeing the bigger commercial washers there, so what if it's an extra quarter. Got more laundry soap at the nearby Walgreen, as I was leaving I saw my state representative who noticed my Saints hat. My time doing laundry made me think of a 'Simpsons' episode, but what doesn't? A kid had a toy that sounds like popcorn when the balls move around, and one episode had the professor trying to explain how it worked to preschool kids. Can we play with it? No, you don't enjoy it on as many levels as I do. Brilliant!
Then I did grocery shopping, and picked up a copy of Rolling Stone magazine. Wanted to read an article that led to a general getting fired, but noticed Lady Gaga was on the cover so I've only read her interview so far. I found another reason why I'm a fan. Or maybe I should say 'One of her monsters', since that is what she affectionately calls her fans. Besides her catchy dance music, and singing part of 'Bad Romance' in French, I'm now a fan also because she spoke of being a misfit, and melancholy, in the interview. This describes me as well, and I tend to like music I can relate to, same reason why I liked Smashing Pumpkins. They even named one of their albums 'Mellon Collie and The Infinite Sadness', deciding to use a different spelling. I also liked how she makes some intelligent observations in the interview, like having to trick people into listening to something intelligent.
Thanks to a fellow comic, that I saw onstage tonight, I've discovered another band. In messages on Facebook he spoke of the punk rockers 'The Misfits'. I think I had heard of them before, since a comic at one club had their shirt on, a merger of a skull and the Abe Lincoln profile. And he said it was a foreunner of Danzig. I like all different kinds of music, he was surprised at first that I liked some other punk rockers, Social Distortion. But it helped that they refer to history in one song, 'You can run you can hide just like Bonnie and Clyde', and did a cover of the Johnny Cash song 'Ring of Fire'.
I guess seeing him tonight reminds me of another important observation I can make about myself. When I see friends at comedy shows I'm more comfortable now with physical gestures like a pat on the back. I grew up in a family that was anything but affectionate, so it was largely a foreign concept to me for a while. but i'm improving, as i did already say to a good friend of mine from work that she 'humanized' me. guess i just had to find people i cared about and those who treated me with respect. i'm now crying a little as i write these words. but it's all right.
yet another comic noticed how the movies i like tend to be what i call 'diamond in the rough' stories. one of them in particular is relevant here. it's the movie 'seabiscuit', about the racehorse from the 1930s. one line in it said how he just needs to remember how to be a horse. i may have been inspired by it to write some poetry that referred to being a sad little puppy locked up in a cage i built for myself. and how i growled at first at who bought me and trained me to be a winner.
while it's true that writing is therapeutic, i'm way better off now than i was so i'm not sure why i keep going back to write about the 'dark days'. i know when i allude to it i'm not sure how others react to it, almost like i'm apologizing for being messed up for so long. they must wonder what caused it. was i addicted to drugs? was i sexually or physically abused? no. at times i wonder if people would be more sympathetic if i was, especially when verbal abuse is harder to prove since it mostly leaves invisible scars.
when i share my story with others, i sometimes hear how i'm not alone in these struggles. but some may be surprised that i still discuss it when it may be holding me back a little. so this may help me in bidding 'adieu' to it. like many other people, and in other times in my life, fate intervenes. and i want to see that it's not costly to me, especially since i don't want to lose any lady friends over it. that would be a real tragedy. i know i don't share it with kids that i mentor, as i want their respect and it doesn't seem relevant to me being there to help them. at least the mention as to why. they probably just want someone to help them, to listen, and i can provide them that without giving them my life story.
Made it back to the Saints baseball stadium to exchange my ticket for a later game. It meant some exercise, as I decided to walk the mile or so from the bar to the stadium, but I like walking a lot. And of course I needed to do laundry, since I woke up after an hour asleep I decided to do it at a laundromat in my neighborhood. I hadn't been there in a few years as I had been going to some others but now I'm unsure as to why. I liked seeing the bigger commercial washers there, so what if it's an extra quarter. Got more laundry soap at the nearby Walgreen, as I was leaving I saw my state representative who noticed my Saints hat. My time doing laundry made me think of a 'Simpsons' episode, but what doesn't? A kid had a toy that sounds like popcorn when the balls move around, and one episode had the professor trying to explain how it worked to preschool kids. Can we play with it? No, you don't enjoy it on as many levels as I do. Brilliant!
Then I did grocery shopping, and picked up a copy of Rolling Stone magazine. Wanted to read an article that led to a general getting fired, but noticed Lady Gaga was on the cover so I've only read her interview so far. I found another reason why I'm a fan. Or maybe I should say 'One of her monsters', since that is what she affectionately calls her fans. Besides her catchy dance music, and singing part of 'Bad Romance' in French, I'm now a fan also because she spoke of being a misfit, and melancholy, in the interview. This describes me as well, and I tend to like music I can relate to, same reason why I liked Smashing Pumpkins. They even named one of their albums 'Mellon Collie and The Infinite Sadness', deciding to use a different spelling. I also liked how she makes some intelligent observations in the interview, like having to trick people into listening to something intelligent.
Thanks to a fellow comic, that I saw onstage tonight, I've discovered another band. In messages on Facebook he spoke of the punk rockers 'The Misfits'. I think I had heard of them before, since a comic at one club had their shirt on, a merger of a skull and the Abe Lincoln profile. And he said it was a foreunner of Danzig. I like all different kinds of music, he was surprised at first that I liked some other punk rockers, Social Distortion. But it helped that they refer to history in one song, 'You can run you can hide just like Bonnie and Clyde', and did a cover of the Johnny Cash song 'Ring of Fire'.
I guess seeing him tonight reminds me of another important observation I can make about myself. When I see friends at comedy shows I'm more comfortable now with physical gestures like a pat on the back. I grew up in a family that was anything but affectionate, so it was largely a foreign concept to me for a while. but i'm improving, as i did already say to a good friend of mine from work that she 'humanized' me. guess i just had to find people i cared about and those who treated me with respect. i'm now crying a little as i write these words. but it's all right.
yet another comic noticed how the movies i like tend to be what i call 'diamond in the rough' stories. one of them in particular is relevant here. it's the movie 'seabiscuit', about the racehorse from the 1930s. one line in it said how he just needs to remember how to be a horse. i may have been inspired by it to write some poetry that referred to being a sad little puppy locked up in a cage i built for myself. and how i growled at first at who bought me and trained me to be a winner.
while it's true that writing is therapeutic, i'm way better off now than i was so i'm not sure why i keep going back to write about the 'dark days'. i know when i allude to it i'm not sure how others react to it, almost like i'm apologizing for being messed up for so long. they must wonder what caused it. was i addicted to drugs? was i sexually or physically abused? no. at times i wonder if people would be more sympathetic if i was, especially when verbal abuse is harder to prove since it mostly leaves invisible scars.
when i share my story with others, i sometimes hear how i'm not alone in these struggles. but some may be surprised that i still discuss it when it may be holding me back a little. so this may help me in bidding 'adieu' to it. like many other people, and in other times in my life, fate intervenes. and i want to see that it's not costly to me, especially since i don't want to lose any lady friends over it. that would be a real tragedy. i know i don't share it with kids that i mentor, as i want their respect and it doesn't seem relevant to me being there to help them. at least the mention as to why. they probably just want someone to help them, to listen, and i can provide them that without giving them my life story.
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