A comic friend of mine asked why I liked certain jokes from his Friday show, and I gladly answered. Figured it was a good idea he asked, since I can help out more when I explain myself more. Funny what he will say as well, coming from him it's a compliment even if the definition of words like blackguard aren't flattering. It's done affectionately, I understand this better than I did.
More cleanup done today, more things moved out of the storage locker. Soon I will have the place looking more the way I want it, more inviting to visitors.
I had another first date, hard to know what to say about it. I don't always know what works, still trying to figure it out at times. I know it's best to remember courtesies, but aside from that it's hard to know what to do. I think it's hard to avoid looking nervous, wanting to impress them in the worst way. I do say I would like to see her again- when our schedules allow- and a hug. As I said to a coworker in advance of it- 'Poker Face' isn't just a Lady Gaga song. Haha- I'm back! I said I wanted it to be more than just a fan site for her, and it has been a while since I made a Lady Gaga reference. Found a way where it was relevant.
When I've been turned down a lot and seen plenty of dates be 'one-and-done' I'm afraid of coming across as aloof or too chatty. I can't be alone in feeling this way either. Many of us fear rejection, which was why I didn't try for a while. I was also not putting my best foot forward enough, needed to understand how it tends to go better when you do. Dating wasn't fun, so I made halfhearted attempts to say 'see? I failed, it's not for me' as an excuse to crawl into my inner sanctum and stay there. It did me no good, when I wasn't trying. Had to sort out the emotional problems before I was truly ready. It's still hard to talk about, not knowing who, if anyone, would understand. I had to realize how nothing worth having is ever easy, be it a companion or a job. The way I worded it was if I had the same attitude about dating as I did about jobs I would have went bankrupt and starved a long time ago. But for some reason it was hard to change my attitude about dating to match the one about jobs. Guess I figured it didn't matter, since I needed to eat and pay rent so the job was necessary even if a companion wasn't. It led to feeling bitter for a while, and this did me no good. All that matters is getting out of my funk.
Very brave of me to share this on my blog, but I know at times I am more comfortable writing.
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